So, today is Thursday. That means yesterday was Wednesday. I spent the entire day yesterday thinking it was Tuesday! Yup. The whole day. Wow. So we’re just going to pretend it’s still Wednesday.
This week is different because instead of being stuck with nothing to write about, I actually have more than a few thoughts I’d like to explore. I guess it figures that this would be the week I almost missed!
In my own defense, my days kind of blend together in a haze of monotonous routine and what isn’t routine has required 100% of my attention. I volunteered to help AD set up online so he’ll be able to more efficiently sell and promote his artwork, he’s a lamp-work glass-blower. Originally I was thinking, “How hard can it be?” Turns out, it’s harder than I thought but anyone who knows anything about me knows that I’ll do just about anything to avoid having to admit that I can’t or I don’t know how. That includes learning how.
Suddenly so much of my life makes sense now! Maybe the fear of not having all the answers all the time, the fear of never being enough, is so deeply ingrained in me that my mind trained itself from a young age to remember the facts, no matter how trivial, I see, read, or hear. Maybe that insecurity is the root of my intelligence. Interesting thought.
I digress, as I was saying, instead of saying, “I’m way over my head with this website stuff.” I taught myself how; it’s not like I’m too busy these days anyway. I have to say, as much as I enjoy the act of learning, and I really do; the best part of the whole experience was how it felt to be useful again! That’s not the tired, old, pity party line, “I’m so useless!” That’s just honesty, I don’t do a lot with my time. Blogging, poker, Sudoku, that’s 90% of my week right there; no wonder I’m feeling so incomplete.
I’ve said before that I think accomplishments are an important part of our individual happiness equations so I’m not sure why I thought playing online was going to be enough for me, long-term. I’m sure a part of me was rebelling against how I spent my life the way society told me to, at school and then at work. I never really took time to figure out what I wanted. It just so happens that I love to learn; I also love to work. I didn’t know that I felt this way; I worked because they told me I had to. I thought I hated it because I hate being told what to do. I really hated being broke though and that’s why I did what they told me.
Ugh, I’m rambling again!
Point is, learning and working are things I enjoy so I think I’m going to look into some online computer classes. That is something I could do, disability be damned. I refuse to let this stroke get in the way of my happiness.
Besides, it might be nice to have a reason to keep track of what day it is again! (It doesn’t always relay well through typed words but that was intended as a joke
Stuck Inside Myself 